Theory on accents

Here's a shortie:

Heat and cold have an influence on accents, I am convinced. The slow-drawled vowels of the hot and humid US south have a purpose, releasing heat from the lungs and cooling the body - a kind of built-in swamp cooler. Canadians, on the other hand, chop out their words, clipping their vowels as short as possible. In this way they prevent frost-bite of the larynx and other vital parts.

I don't know why others don't ascribe to this theory. It seems perfect to me.